Christmas in Kenya

Five years ago if you told me I'd be going to Kenya - for the second time AND by myself, nonetheless - I would have thought you were smoking something. But indeed... I am going back to Kenya in 13 days! The purpose of my trip is to visit my sponsored kids, Caroline and Collins, spend time with my dear Kenyan Sign Language interpreter friend Judy and see John, an orphan boy who I am sponsoring in school along with a group of American friends. I really believe this trip is meant to be. I hate to use the word "calling". It's so churchy and anyone who knows me knows that the whole "Chrisitian Culture" thing is not my M.O. But it feels like God found me in the crowd, pointed his finger (in a nice way) and said, "Mandy, I want you to go." So I am going. Thanks to a bonus from work and a failed attempt at going to Kenya with a nonprofit organization. I have been eagerly anticipating this trip like Christmas Day (funnily enough, I will be there on Chrismas Day) however, yesterday the anxiety kicked in. A slight panic. One that you feel in your chest. Perhaps it was my late night reading of the extremely thorough and enlighting 18 page document entitled "Personal Security in Kenya". Or maybe it's my Type-A self not okay with unsettled details and a lack of answers to my many questions. Whatever the reason, it's caused worry. This is when I go into "fix it" mode which absolutely kills the heart and soul of my experience. When I first decided to go, I knew I wanted to be connected to God from start to finish - for new opportunities, for protection, for companionship (did I mention I'm going alone?). And in the midst of planning, John (the orphan boy) popped up out of the blue as one of those opportunities I could have ignored if left to my own devices. Now as the days tick by, I have already spent too much money and accumulating a mile long to-do list. We haven't (yet) raised the full amount to send John to school. My lodging is still not booked. Emails are not being answered. Friends are silent about donating gifts to bring with me. And I could go on... But today I read:  Do not let fixing things be your top priority. Don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own. What is truely important? I can guess that it's not the details that are important. I've gotta find the heart and soul again. There's a story about two sisters, Mary and Martha. One day, a man named Jesus (maybe you've heard of him?) came to their home for a visit. Martha was worried and upset about the details of his visit. Doing Doing Doing. Which I can totally relate to. Plus it's JESUS we're talking about. Mary, on the other hand, was way more chill. We Jesus came, she just hung out with him. Just being. Martha began to freak out that Mary wasn't joining her in the busyness but according to Jesus, Mary had chosen the "essential" thing. I want to choose the "essential" thing...listening and learning and being present in each moment. Wish me luck :)